Thoughts we had while watching The Bachelor NZ

8 March 2016
By Fashion Quarterly

The Bachelor NZ for 2016 is Jordan Mauger

The new season of The Bachelor NZ arrived last night with a hiss and a roar.

Every television in the country (we assume) tuned in to see whether the second series would live up to expectations: Would the new Bachelor, Jordan Mauger, be as attractive as Art? Would there be a Crystal equivalent to come in and stir things up? Would we actually care?

Here are some thoughts we had as we watched the first episode of The Bachelor NZ for 2016:

Bachelor meh, not really interested this time.

*Lured in by brownie-eating flatmates*

Oh ok, he’s quite a babe.

Take that back, jandals are for the beach only!

He’s in a suit now, back to being a babe.

He’s gone for the triple whammy: hanging out with a super cute dog, holding an even cuter baby and now he’s there, swinging a toddler around *melt*

Ssssssh, shower scene.

Jordan Mauger Bachelor shower scene

Omg the girls are arriving. SO NERVOUS FOR THEM.

What would we wear if we were a bachelorette? *flicks through Paris Fashion Week runway shows*


The gifts, omg.

Ceri with a C…brings juice. As you do.


The bliss balls…WHAT.

Okay wow, this house is pretty impressive. Looks like Max Key would live here.

All the girls are so tall.

Do a lot of them look like the same person?

Waiting for one of the girls to say “I’m doing this because I want more Instagram followers”.

Trying to remember all the names is hard, we’re just calling them by the colour of their dresses.

How is HE going to remember them all?

Oh, he doesn’t.

This lighting is pretty flattering.

Seriously, how much hairspray was used in the making of this episode?

Appreciating Storm’s severe low bun in amongst all the 2000’s high school ball hair.

Okay, we’re inside. It’s all friendly… for now.

Bachelorettes inside the mansion on the first night

If we hear “excited and nervous” one more time…

The girls noticeably tense up as he enters the room. Where’s he going to go? WHERE’S HE GOING TO SIT?

He’s taken Catherine for a chat. Okay, not quite true. Catherine has taken HIM for a chat. But Kate’s not having it. Let the games begin!

“Can I have some alone time?” *silence* Eek, awkward.

Claudia is really insistent on knowing how those bliss balls are, eh?

So Jordan has only just noticed these girls are tall.

Naz, just won’t quit! We know already we’re going to love this girl this season! Keep it up Naz!

Naz has her sights set on Bachelor Jordan

Want to see more of Harmony, she is pure LOLZ.

Rebecca, you little cutie. Sparks are flying!

Jords obviously thought so too – she gets a rose. Not gonna lie, feeling kind of jealous.


Clearly not as nervous as Shari. She doesn’t look so well.

“He keeps handing out roses. Just not to me.” – we’re feeling your pain Ceri, don’t worry.

Claudia will.not.stop.smiling.

Despite Naz’s slightly stalkerish tendencies, she’s managed to get a rose.

The first rose ceremony of The Bachelor NZ for 2016

Wow, finding love on TV is so stupid *continues swiping right on Tinder*

Nooooo Harmony is going home. Who is going to be the life of the party now?!

Phew, well that was a rollercoaster of emotion.

*books office meeting room for regular Tuesday and Wednesday morning Bachelor debriefs with colleagues*

Subscribe & Become an FQ VIP

As a Fashion Quarterly subscriber you enjoy exclusive content, giveaways, invitations to VIP events, and more.

Subscribe & Become an FQ VIP

As a Fashion Quarterly subscriber you enjoy exclusive content, giveaways, invitations to VIP events, and more.

Sign up to the FQ newsletter and WIN*

Get the latest fashion, beauty, and lifestyle news delivered straight to your inbox each week.

*Ts&Cs apply.

Find out more at